#115 Enough is Enough

When is enough enough? Being mistreated, ignored, discounted, betrayed. Why is it when I tell you what I want or need there's no response? I have 3 options 1. change my attitude 2. change the situation 3. continue to suffer, Ths includes a great discussion with the Gathering community.Enjoy the listen!

Transcript

Welcome And How To Support

SPEAKER_02 0:02

Rather alcoholic. Um, welcome to the gathering. If you're listening on your device, which most of you do, 87% of you are listening on your phones. Um, welcome to the gathering. There is a uh a fair was gonna say. So there is on the bottom of your description of the talks, there's a link you can click to if you want to become a a supporter. Not necessary, but you're welcome to be here and uh participate at whatever level you choose

Defining Enough In A Material World

SPEAKER_02 0:36

to. So I was totally dry today, and I asked Susan, give me a topic. And she said, What'd you say?

SPEAKER_03 0:50

Enough is enough. As she booted me out enough is enough.

SPEAKER_02 0:55

As she booted me out of the car. Anyway, so I started thinking about it. And what is enough? What is enough? It depends on where we start with this thing. If you start from our conditioning, when will I have enough of what? Money, fame, security, cars, houses, toys, approval, status, legend, sex, relationships, the perfect mate, acceptance, education, and then my altered states drugs, alcohol, food, pleasure. So when I live from that, when I live from man's world, the material world, the three-dimensional world, and you know this from discussions we've had previously, that's all about external referral. I am what I have, I am what I do, I am what you think of me, not connected to you, and I'm not connected to any higher power. So our conditioning is one of self-reliance. So if you decide, like if you grow up in a family where education is a big deal, then of course you're not just going to college, you'll have multiple degrees, because we all do in this family. Or we're all lawyers, we're all doctors, we're all nurses, we're all professionals, or we're all welders, we're all work in the oil fields, whatever, right? And so that's the expectation that I've I've accepted or put on myself or has been put on me. And so you can't admit, when you achieve a goal, you can't admit, I can't admit it's not enough. Because when you're externally referred, referred, and you attain a goal, there's two things that happen. One, you get a rush of satisfaction, and that's followed by an emptiness, a hunger. It's like it's like uh eating Chinese food and you're at the restaurant, and I can't eat another bite. And then you drive it home, and 20 minutes later the MSG kicks in and you go, I'm hungry. That's what external referral is about. The more you get, the more you have to have. The reason that is there is because it's not satisfying. I told myself I was going to be satisfied when these conditions were met. I've met them and they're not satisfied. So I don't think maybe there's another approach. I think I must need some different goals, I must need a different attack, I must apply myself more, right? The result is I live in a state of quiet desperation, frustration, fear, lack. And I don't know why, because I don't have an alternative. They don't, growing up, they didn't tell me there's a multiplicity of things you can do. No one talked to me about consciousness. They talked to me about work ethic. Apply yourself. And that's one of the reasons it's so hard for us to get into recovery, because we have to admit to the failure of all that stuff we've been striving for and at and acquiring has failed. I cannot make my life satisfactory to me. The failure of self-reliance. There's that's the first half of the first step. And the result that we're talking about here is dissatisfaction. That's and my life's become unmanageable. That's because those things can't bring satisfaction, they can't bring peace, they can't bring wholeness, they can all bring an appetite for more. Does that make sense? So when I'm in relationships, when I'm in the world, why don't I tell you what I want? Why don't I tell you who I am? Fear of your indifference, fear of your judgment, fear of your rejection. And also there's shame in there. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve it, so I'm not gonna ask for it because I don't want to be disappointed, right? So here's a here's one that I had earlier in my life with relationships. I'm not gonna tell you how I really feel, and I'm gonna tell you, I'm not gonna tell you how deeply I disagree with this because I just want to keep the peace. There's no peace kept. Because I internalized the whole thing, and I'm just pissed and dissatisfied and anxious, but I'm keeping the peace. And I can't see that there is no peace. Because I'm afraid to tell you who I am. What if you don't like who I really am? What if, you know, example, my dad. I used to go to work with him on Saturday mornings because he worked all the time. And mom would make breakfast, and we'd go down to the end of the block and he'd open the door and throw up. And he'd go, I said, Dad, what's the matter? He said, Oh, I hate breakfast. I just can't tell your mom. They were married like 50 years. I just can't tell your mom. I hate breakfast. It might also have something to do with being hungover from the night before. But it's like that. And I think we all have we all have examples of that, trying to keep the peace. And I can't realize that it's not working because we've got this bubble that we're operating from, this three-dimensional man's world, self-reliant, self-made bubble, right? So when I don't tell you what I want or who I am to keep the peace, the result is I'm out of integrity. I'm out of integrity. And I think whatever relationship this is about, I think that it's unworkable. I can't tell you the truth. Right. And that begins the separation, right? So here's I told my partner, I told my boss, I told my coworker, my friend, my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister, my best friend. And I thought I had a good conversation. I told him about what I really wanted. And the result was what? Silence. Silence. I thought I had a good conversation, but there was really no listening, and there was no hearing, and there was no compassion or understanding. And the silence is the answer. The silence is the no. I'm not going to give you what you want. I'm not going to even discuss it.

External Referral And Quiet Desperation

SPEAKER_02 8:10

But I don't have the guts to tell you that. So then with the silence, I make up a story about it, right? What does it mean? What's going on? So what do I really want to know? This is my thing. It might not be your thing. What do I really want to know? I want to know that I'm safe and I'm loved. And I can't be safe if I can't tell you who I am. And I can't be loved if I'm full of shame and I think I don't deserve it. I think I've done some things that are beyond the pale, unforgivable. And uh that's the deal. So I got three options. One, I can change my attitude about this here, the situation or you. Two, I can change the situation. I'm not doing this. See you later. Right? And we find this a lot with people that we think are friends. And then a situation presents and they do something that appears and feels like it's right out of left field. And I go, God, where did that come from? And then I realize you're not who I thought you were. Because I made up a story about who you are. And we call ourselves friends, and I have an idea what that means, and you have an idea what that means. And then I find out it doesn't mean the same thing. So I can change my attitude, I can change the situation. The third option is I continue to suffer. And I can't change the attitude without a spiritual approach to this thing. So there's a saying, change is inevitable. So everything's changing all the time. All the dynamics in these relationships, circumstances, the world, our economics, everything's changing all the time. Progress is not. Change is inevitable, progress is not. So there's a process here. I get it out of uh, I don't know where I got it, some books that we've been reading. Order. We come here and we establish an order of things. This is how it works. This is what I'm doing, right? And then we get into a stage which is disorder, where everything comes apart. This is Richard R talks about this as second half of life. Um, but disorder, maybe it's not a complete 100% disorder, but all of a sudden someone I love is dear to me and gets sick and dies, or we're going with a with a prolonged illness, or a divorce, or I lost my job, the company went out of business, something like that. And it creates disorder. And as we manifest and navigate our way through that, we come to a reordering, which is what our recovery is and what we're talking about here. If all this stuff isn't working right, then I need to reorder it. But before I can reorder it, it has to cost me enough pain to get my attention. Right? And unfortunately, that's primarily what gets my attention is pain. Then I have to look and see what is the source of the pain. The beast, the false self, wants to look at me and go, well, that's Justin. He's a jerk. That's Lori. She betrayed me. That's Christine. She didn't understand, right? No, no, no. Blaming does not work here. I have to look at me. What was my motive? What was my intention? And then I find out I have placed myself under the reservation and care. People, places, things, objects that are flawed. They're imprecise and they're unreliable. They also have a shelf life. They have to be replaced, they have to be maintained. Some of them wear out, some of them fall out, some of them die, right? So again, this is what the Bible would describe as idolatry. I've made these things the most important things in my life. And that the total end result of this is it hasn't worked. And the question we're put in front of us, what are you going to do with it? What are you going to do with it? I have to change me. I have to not be reliant on you because you're unreliable. It's not a it's not a it's not a deal breaker. I just have to understand people are unreliable, jobs are unreliable, the economy is unreliable, money's unreliable, my car is unreliable, my house, unreliable. And sometimes my mentality is unreliable. And my attitude's unreliable. So that's what we're put in front of. I think it's something to think about. When is enough enough? When is enough enough? So we'll open it up to your thoughts, your experience, and uh comments, whatever questions, rebuttals, closures. You have to unmute yourself to talk. Or I can if you just raise your hand.

SPEAKER_07 13:50

Uh alcoholic. Hey Darren. Hey, I I hope uh hi everyone. I I hope I I say something that uh that's meaningful um for

Sharing Starts Hitting Bottom Gifts

SPEAKER_07 14:00

everyone. And but there's um yeah, so so much. Um just so much what you said. So I mean I really identified all that. And once I got all those things, you know, then what? And uh but it was real powerful. I I was actually at our vacation place and I was met up with somebody who would um I don't see any from Chicago, and and we were talking, and he told me that he had uh stopped drinking a couple years ago. And I when I saw him, I I said, Well, how's it how's that going? And he said, Well, it's going pretty good. And then he told me about uh I said, Yeah, I had a DUI, so they made me go to AA. And I never told him I was involved with AA. I just was asked. He said, But there they tell you that uh it's a higher power. I don't believe that. It's me. He's a very, very successful, you know, business guy, you know, in all the when is enough enough? You know, he's got all the worldly goods, and and I'm just sitting listening, and uh God, it was almost like you know, it was a mirror, like maybe I was hopefully a long time ago, but that was me thinking it was all about me, that I did it, you know. Let me show you. And and yet, and yet there I was um peaceful, not if that's right, but peaceful or present enough to really, you know, get what he was saying. And then I said, How's your how's your faith? And then he said, Well, I was raised Catholic, but I'm not practicing and I don't know about God. And and then he asked, He said, Well, what do you think? And I said, I think you're right where you're supposed to be. You're questioning there's some things in your life. I didn't try to convince him, or but the gift was being with some, you know, and then he said he had he he was in which is a death trap, he had a beer the night before, and he was gonna just have a couple more. So next time I saw whether be next year, you know, given that. But the gift was being being with him, that I really saw that just how big the ego was, and that uh gosh, I said that was that was me, and thank god that I could see that that's not me anymore. Yet I could fall into it. So and then the the other thing with you know hitting bottom, suffering, I still struggle with it, but yet when it says that in suffering, that's really an opportunity for us to get close to God. I want to avoid the suffering. However, when I really look at when I did quote hit the bottom in life, that was all a gift. And eventually, if I didn't hit bottom, I'd still be doing the same thing. I would have been the guy telling everybody it's all me, it's not not God, and I'm not going AA because they say it's a higher power and it's me. So I don't know if any of that made sense, but it's just uh that that's it. I pass.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

Well, so it's interesting because we have stewardship. You know, I have to make choices, I have to be responsible. So I'm wildly successful in business. And because that's the template we're working from in this culture, I assume look at what I've done. Look at what I've built, look at what I've done. The problem with that is when it goes away, you're gonna blame yourself for that too. I'm a failure, I'm a bum. Oh God, I blew it, right? Because some of this, me showing up and being a good steward and being responsible and tending to business is my part. The results are not my part, because you can do everything right in a business situation and not get the right outcome. Because there are too many variables that are not within your control. But it's the same with sponsorship. If you start thinking you're getting people sober, when they're dying, you're gonna have to consider you're getting them dead. You we're good enough sponsored, they're dead. What have you done? The same equation, right? Well, thanks, Tom.

SPEAKER_10 18:16

Here comes Denise.

SPEAKER_06 18:25

Roger Doug here, alcoholic. Hi, Doug. Thanks uh for the topic, Susan. How did you know? How did you know I needed to talk about this? She's that way. There's some forces going on here. Uh as you were explaining or leading into this, Roger, one of the things that really, really nailed me, I guess, was I think back, and to this day sometimes it's still true, becoming a people person so that I can somehow trick you or work you into saying and doing what I expect you to say and do, so I like you and you like me. What a game. What an absolute incredible game. Well, it's a transaction. Yeah. Yes, make a deal with me. You like me, I like you.

SPEAKER_09 19:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 19:23

Uh but also on top of that, the other thing that occurred to me is being involved in things like we're right here tonight, uh, being involved in AA meetings, being involved in roundups. Uh, you and I were talking earlier before you opened everything up, but since I retired in October, I'm becoming involved more and more uh with telling my story, whether it's at a treatment center, big book study, or things like that. And it's it's really, really helped me a lot. But another thing that it's helped me with, it's helped plug the holes in me. That old story about, you know, I grew up with a big hole in my belly and the wind blowing through it, as I heard a speaker one time say, and I thought, that's the most incredible description of me that I have ever heard. But doing those things and being involved as honest as I know how to be helps plug that hole. Uh God, that's a good feeling, you know, and it's not that it's never worked before, that's not the case. But what happens now is because I don't have that daily routine of going to work, doing my thing, coming home, etc. etc. This sort of activity I'm in now seems to replace that, but also uh provide me with continuing education. And as the big book says, more will be revealed to me. And it certainly is happening. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

Thanks, Doug. It is, you know, the uh the first part of that we're talking about is transactional. But when you get to the point where you're talking about, I'm doing this without expectation of being compensated in any way. Whether it's money, whether it's applause, nothing. I'm just, this is my testimony. And when you do that authentically, you touch other people's

Service Beyond Transactions

SPEAKER_02 21:45

lives, you touch their hearts. Because it's an act of love and self sacrifice. When we go out and you're spending three hours at the treatment center, that's three hours you're never getting back. So it better mean something, right? Right.

SPEAKER_10 22:02

Who else? I can go. Hey everybody.

SPEAKER_08 22:13

I've got a I'm gonna message on my screen that says my internet connection is unstable, so if I cut out on you guys, uh my apologies. But yeah, thank you, Susan. That is it is a it's a great topic, and um proud to hit on a lot of things that um I guess the first one, um you know, at the highest level, um you know, that whole idea about being externally referred. And you know, I think the the word a lot of people use these days is performative, right? We've got to be performative to well, that's the illusion is we've got to be performative to to to get what we want, I guess. Um and you know, at the highest level, like me being a kind of the tail end of the baby boomers, and you know, coming from parents that were born um, you know, depression area, lived through World War II, Korean War, you know, all of that. It's you know, bootstrap mentality. And you know, you better you better have that rugged individualism to to be able to survive and make it for yourself, right? That's that's the messaging that that I got directly and indirectly as a kid from a lot of different sources. You know, that didn't I just you know and and I think what you said about you know what what do you really want, I couldn't I couldn't ever articulate that in a real in a relationship, ever. And I just ended up getting frustrated and tongue-tied and full of resentment. And and I think it's because I forgot or I buried it so deep to try to, you know, be in this survival mode and mechanism for most of my life that I didn't even really know what I wanted. All I knew is that I, you know, to to Doug, you know, to what Doug was saying, I had to I had to be liked and I had to make, you know, transactional relationships so that I felt comfortable around people. And um the you know the alcohol and drugs were just the medication for me to to be able to survive that for as long as we did. Um so it's you know, how much is enough or when is enough enough? We don't have a a meter for that. I didn't. I I I just because I didn't know what I wanted. So I'm out there just shotgunning everything in my life, you know, trying to trying to figure out what that was. Um, you know, and you know, the order, so that was my order, right? That was that was the first part of my life. The disorder was when, you know, it starts the wheels start coming off, and I need alcohol so bad and isolation so bad because I can't deal with anybody anymore. I just I just can't. I just need to be alone and anesthesized. Um and still can't articulate what my problem is when people are starting to get worried and concerned about me. Um so thankfully the you know the disorder brought the bottom and you know brought me here, and then just a gradual reorder is is what's underway now. And and it's it's grace is what it is. And I am able to under, you know, I could relate very much to the idea of all I really wanted when I was a little kid was to be to know that I'm safe and I'm loved. And you know, I I look around everywhere I go now and I see people and and I I pray for them because I can see that many of them, you can just see it on their faces. They're wanting the same thing, you know, young and old, doesn't matter who it is. And there's a lot of people out there that that don't feel like they have that. And you know, there therein lies the purpose, I guess for me. Um, you know, little steps, baby steps. But um, and then the last the last thing I got is when you said the unreal unreliability of things, um, people, whatever systems you name it, the world, uh, in many respects. Um the the thought popped into my or the the term results may vary popped into my head, right? You see that on whatever TV commercials or or whatever, and it's you know, that's what I go to is whenever I start to get frustrated with other people or whatever, because of you know, my perceived uh opinion of them is that they're unreliable and it's results may vary.

Expectations Time Pressure And Peace

SPEAKER_08 27:30

Just that's fact of life. So that's all I got. It's good to see everybody. Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Thanks, Paul. You know, another piece of this we talked about it, we talked about it before, expectations. I got expectations about everything and everybody and me. And until those things, this is part of the disorder, until those things come to my consciousness, and I can see how disturbing and unreliable they are, I have no motive to change. We're talking about uh at the end of the day, I just want to be loved and I want I want to know I'm loved and safe. Also, what I would really like is some peace. The world is so noisy and everything is pulling at us all the time. But just to be free of that, free of the noise, free of the struggle, free of the duality, being pulled back and forth between this, that, and the other thing. Yeah, thank you. Who else?

SPEAKER_01 28:46

I'm Kirsten, I'll go. Great subject. Uh enough, enoughness. Um, am I enough? Do I have enough time? Did I get enough sleep? Is there enough coffee? You know, I I think where I began, you know, in consciousness as a child or whatever, is just always operating from lack, always lack, didn't get good enough grades, didn't get enough sleep, didn't make enough money, don't have enough toys, whatever. It's it was all lack, which of course is fear. And in my, like Paul was talking about, in my, and that was my order, you know, get more stuff, get more stuff, and then I'll be okay. Do better in school, then I'll be okay. You know, more, more, more, bigger, better, faster. And I think that's probably true of most of us who are in recovery. It's always the bigger, better, faster. And how to let go of that and just get calm is is um, or just practice that acceptance, practice tolerance and practice not having expectations. You know, for me, the program has given me so much um benefit in that area, like when people fail me, when I'm feeling harmed, when I'm whether it's perceived or real, you know, I have to remember that this isn't, you know, a catastrophe, even though I'm feeling like it's really personal. I did everything I could to make the situation go well, but somebody failed, you know. Someone didn't, you know, a lack of information, for instance. You know, it's just and then I wind up paying the price, right? I have to go. This is a situation that happened to me this last week. I was trying to pick up my dog from being kenneled at the vet. So I called that morning saying I'll be in this afternoon, pick up my dog. Great. And I'd also like a prescription for my cat since I'm coming into town. So I get to the vet and they're closed for an in-service training. And I'm like, I just got all the groceries. I have to go all the way home, which is a half an hour. And then I gotta make another round trip of an hour that day to go get my dog when they reopen. And I, you know, it's it's I'm just saying, I was so angry and so like, what are we? How could this be? I called, I did everything I was supposed to do to say I'm coming. And they didn't say, well, don't come until after 130. Whatever. So, anyway, so what I'm saying is it took me, I don't know, less than 10 minutes, maybe five, as I'm driving back home with all my ice cream and meat products in the car because I can't wait until 130 at this point to pick up my dog. Anyway, um, it was so frustrating. And I felt like, how could someone be so how why didn't they tell me when I called to that there was gonna be this window of closedness? You know, I was so mad. And it was like, God, I hate feeling like this. This is not who I am. I don't want to sit here and point fingers and blame. This is just life being lifey. This is if if the woman on the phone didn't tell me that they were gonna be closed for this window of time today, that's just a human mistake, Kirsten. And how many times have you made mistakes that interfered with someone else's plan for the day? Or, you know, I mean, how many times in your life? And of course I didn't go back and look for them, but I know darn well that I make many mistakes a day. Whether or not they, you know, affect very many people is another thing because I don't see very many people every day. But um it was just it took me probably less than 10 minutes. I'm thinking about where I was driving home when I finally just said, okay, okay, okay. The solution is within. I need to practice this, you know, it's not that big of a deal. You know, it felt like a big deal because again, the lack, right? Like, I don't have an hour again to go drive to Hutchison, pick up my dog, and come back. I don't have that kind of time as the what was running through the brain, right? Anyway, it was all about expectation. And I was genuinely angry. And because of our program and the spiritual growth that we're trying to do, the reorder, like Paul said, that I'm trying to create in this last season of my life, the reorder means that I gotta drop expectations. I have to get reasonable, truly reasonable about um being in a world where humans will fail me, you know, and I have to expect that, you know, and whether you can call that a real failure is a whole nother conversation. People will make mistakes that affect me. Okay, you know, and certainly, and then I was on the way home going, okay, I have gas in the car, I got a house with air conditioning, my dog is still alive, all the pulling out all the things that would just help me. Like, this isn't a big deal. And you haven't been assaulted, no one, you know, anyway. So, this idea of enoughness and um finding peace, like Roger said, you know, it it really, it really helps me to to as quickly as I can shift gears into being a reasonable human being with lower expectations. And um, I think that's enough rambling for me, and I will pass. Thanks, Kirsten.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

You know, you were you're talking. I did everything right. I did every damn thing right, and under that is an expectation. Because I did everything right, I should get what I want to get. And it just doesn't work that way. It does sometimes, but you know, the your term, life gets lifey, you know. There's other, there's so many other mitigating factors. I'm late. I'm not late because I'm late. I'm late because of the traffic. I'm late because of the road construction, and it's unacceptable. Well, then leave earlier. You know, the favorite one, the favorite one the piece uses on me is there's not enough time. There's just not enough time to get it all done, right? Because as you're getting it done, you're adding more things to do on the end of the list, right? So it's never done.

SPEAKER_05 34:59

All right, who else? Bill, uh, Alan on and uh Clutters Anonymous. Hey, Bill. And hey, that was my cue when you said not enough time, because that was the very first thing when you said um when you brought this topic up, enough is enough. And then I started thinking about that and listening to you, and I'm like, okay, why is time uh not enough? Well, it's because I'm not gonna have enough time to do uh you know, make my yard look good. I'm not gonna have enough time to make my garden, I'm not gonna have enough time to, you know, be a good colleague. I'm not gonna be die to be a better friend, you know. I mean, these these things that uh I just uh have such high expectations that I'm not gonna meet. Um and I just keep keep thinking, uh, there's not enough, there's not enough. And I and I can I can totally relate to this message every time you talk about it, and it's always there's seeds in of it in every time you you share, it just resonates with me so much. And I remember in my mid-20s getting my first no, like getting realizing that I have a choice and realizing that I can say no. And that that helped open up some um just some you know possibilities for me, like, oh um, and why am I saying yes to this? It just gave me some awareness. Um, but I have this brand new tool that I practiced one time. Again, it's one-time practice, so I'm not an expert in this, but I went to a retreat on this ancient practice of Sabbath and this idea of stopping, resting, delighting, and worshiping. And so it can look a lot of different ways. Um, but my wife and I did that on uh on Sunday, and we uh did our morning routine, and then we went out to the um Minneapolis Institute of Arts. Um, we uh uh ended up getting some Indian food, bringing that home, not really doing any work, having any responsibilities in that sense, just choosing to rest and delight. But it was a mindset that got me thinking the whole week. And so we went to her doctor appointment yesterday, and we waited, waited in the waiting room for one hour. And there was something that was lingering in me still from Sabbath that you know, time is not mine in some ways. Um, like I don't know, just to let go. And I think what it what it's helping me to do is ultimately trust, trust in God that that um I have enough time to do whatever He wants me to do. Like, and then and try to rest and live in that. I that's not easy for sure, but I'm just like I'm kind of excited about this new tool. Um, and I don't know, maybe I'll never do it again, but I'm hoping to do it next Sunday. Uh we'll see. But um it's it's it's really been um it's really been a uh just I'm so stuck in that idea of um I am who other people think of me. And so for getting it from my head to my heart has been a real battle. So here's one way, maybe, that I have to let go of all of those things and and trying to, you know, I'm and part of my Sabbath is I'm not gonna look at my schedule and I'm not gonna plan things, and I'm just gonna get take a day off of all of that pressure that I put on myself. So um, I don't know. I'm I'm open as a tool to make make it more real for me to um let go of this thing that I'm very aware of. That I I I do have this idea that I I am what others think of me, and I I hate it. Um, I hate that part about me. And I do have friends that I can share that with. I have you guys to share that with. Um, and I know I'm still loved and and and I'm safe because you guys share vulnerably too. Um, but uh yeah, I kept kind of rambling now. Uh, but I I do uh I appreciate this group very much, and I'm I'm just hoping for uh some transformation through this this new practice. Sounds like you found it. Well, for one day, yeah. Well, it's actually worked through the week. Actually, it's one day is all we got.

SPEAKER_02 39:00

Right. So I was thinking when you're talking about time. It's a construct. It doesn't exist, except we agree that it exists. We agree it's we agree that it's a quarter to eight here and it's a quarter to seven on the east coast or whatever, right? I was just talking to a sponsee in the Philippines um before this meeting. He was talking to me from tomorrow. And I was talking to him from yesterday. So time traveling. You know, it's just we get this stuff in our heads. There's not enough time, gotta get it done. Everything's so critical. It's not so critical. It's not, and we end up being owned by it, and then we wonder why we're miserable because we're never here. Sorry, just not here. I'm God. Anyway, I'm sorry. Blame the Sumerians, they started this whole thing.

Attitude As The Real Lever

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Who else?

SPEAKER_03 40:02

I'm Susan, I'm an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_02 40:04

Come here, have the camera. Oh no, get it. Face in here.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

Enough is enough. It's enough, is enough. Um, so this popped into my head when we were chatting this morning because I was on the phone with a sponsee. Um we had our weekly meeting on Zoom, and and um, you know, after eight years of reviewing over the same things over and over for eight years, and I said, when is enough enough? Is enough enough? You know, it's that so that's like what we're what I'm really getting at. Enough is enough when, right? When is enough enough? Because that's the problem. I never can see when I've reached that. Ah, there I am, I've arrived. Enough. That's it, that's it. And um, and so I think like the when, the what, what am I, what's enough? Like what is it? What what is it that isn't enough in me in me? Why am I searching for this this you know, filling my cup that seems to have a hole in it and it can't ever be filled? Um and um so thinking of that enough is enough. For me, time is a really a struggle. There's never enough time. There's it's always um, it's just like the the what is that the sand thing? Power glass is like constantly like going, and I feel like this frantic feeling. And and when I feel that I know that that's my dis-ease. And so my whole problem is my dis-ease, which was making me think about um the doctor's opinion, where where what we suffer from is the restless, irritable, and discontentedness. And that's the not enough is never enough. I'm I'm restless, I'm um restless, anxious, I'm irritable, I'm annoyed, and I'm discontented, but never satisfied. Like I'm chasing this, I can never be satisfied, and I don't even know what I'm searching for, and I'm searching, you know, and and so that that feeling of that this ease um isn't just about our alcoholism, it's about this thinking problem and this and this living problem. And when I go go around and around and I try to figure out what what it is that I'm chasing, this enough is enough, this enough, what I'm what I'm chasing um is really that feeling of of satisfaction. You know, I can't get no satisfaction, but but chasing that um feeling okay, feeling satisfied. And and it's through that that discovery of this dis-ease and of this thinking problem that I discover my whole problem really is my attitude, which is the thing that I that I control. And um it's my problem and it's my solution right there to this problem of enough is enough, is enough enough. Um my problem is my attitude, and then my solution is exactly the same thing. It's my attitude, and so I have control over that. Um, I love this definition of of attitude, a settled way of thinking or feeling that is reflected in your behavior. See, my attitude isn't just an intellectual thing, it's not just a decision to um change my approach or how I look at things. It's not just that. It's followed by action. It's it's um demonstrated as a demonstration. And so when I'm searching for that enough is enough, I all I have to do is focus on that attitude part and aim for the um the goal, which is to have the satisfaction, which comes from my Higher power because self-reliance never did it. That's when I was restless, irritable, and discontented when I was relying on self. So that fear of failure, that am I enough? You know, that's our problem the whole time I was searching for feeling like enough, feeling like I was enough. And I would do anything to feel like I was, I was accepted enough and not going to be uh rejected or abandoned. And, you know, that just starts with our operating system when we're little and it just keeps going until we hit that rock bottom place of the discovery of this disease and that we don't want to live like this anymore. And that's where the enough is enough question came when I was working with my sponsor, my sponsee was was, are you there yet? You know, have you hit it yet? Is it enough yet? Right. And we can look at the angle of that that expression so many different ways. Um but but in the end, I well, how do I want to be? I want to live like my cup is is you know, overflowing in and it's a bottomless cup. And and I have to keep adjusting my attitude. I have to keep constantly fixing the attitude, and then things will just fall into place. My view on time and lack and what I'm searching for, and all of that just gets right into perspective. Um and then I have an understanding and a clarity of enough is about. We were also talking today about um like good enough, good enough. And um, my sponsor, my first sponsor always said, good enough is the enemy of the best. And so I have to remember that too when I when I'm settling. Like, am I settling? I can always strive for more. I can aim for perfection and do my humanly best possible way of taking that journey toward that that direction anyway.

Perfectionism Shame And Scarcity Mindset

SPEAKER_03 46:00

So that's all I got.

SPEAKER_02 46:04

Thanks, Susan.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

Yeah, I have uh on my comment.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:13

Enough already.

SPEAKER_02 46:16

The thing, the metaphor of the hourglass, hourglass, is I forget, I can just turn it over and start it again. It's never empty. It's just depleted. And you flip it over and it's there. The other thing I was thinking about when we we've been talking about this, um, there's not enough, there's not enough, there's enough. It's never good enough. Perfectionism. No one's talked about that. The birthplace of some perfectionism is shame. And if you're shame-based and it manifests as perfectionism, you're never satisfied because it's never done. I got a guy, a musician friend of mine that I've known for 45 years. He's a great pianist and a great writer, and he's never finished a single song. Because they're always not quite done. Not quite done. He's living alone up by Grammar Ray in the woods. He's just got his big studio, but nothing's ever finished. I just I'm working on it. I'm working on it. Right. Thanks, Susan. Who else?

SPEAKER_00 47:26

Um, hi, I'm Allie. I'm an alcoholic. Hi, Allie. Uh, great to be here. And um all these, I don't know um what's going on, but I was just laughing because um I keep coming up with songs like there's a great song, Disorder by New Order, and then there's like an excess, not enough time, and then I guess still haven't found what I'm looking for. And then it was getting annoying. Um, and mud honey's got good enough anyway. So um uh that's not what we're here for. Um, but um I was thinking about um that mentality of, you know, a scarcity mentality that other people have mentioned, and um, but being a brilliant alcoholic, there's a scarcity mentality of, you know, or I'll be okay when. And I know I felt that growing up. Luckily, I had a family friend where I could go over to their house and I felt like warm and safe and you know, um, and they were sweets. Um, but it was just like this place that I could go, and I just felt like I could like, you know, um take a deep breath because my mom wasn't a drinker, but she was a um narcissistic um delight. And so it was, you know, there was a lot of uncertainty at home. And it was so I didn't feel like what mood is mom gonna be in, or you know, what's there was a tension. So when I could go over the Brandons, I could just um be there. But being the alcoholic, it's like, okay, you know, I'll be okay when. Um, but then the the joys of it is the like the yeah buts start to come in. So it's like it's because it's that like that like moving target of like, I'll be okay when this happens. But along the way, there's a yeah, but switch anytime the story starts with yeah, but or a fall, it's not gonna go well. There's not gonna be like, oh, it was a total victory. Um, but I really like what was said about um uh the perspective of the attitude. Um and I'm still delighted um when and and surprised um when it'll be like even an email will pop up from um a broker or something, and it's like first thought is oh no, what what did I do wrong? I mean, it's this sort of feeling of like, uh-oh. Um, and then I look at it and I was trying to do some of look at it and like, okay, maybe here's an opportunity, not even just like, okay, let's see what it is, and here's something to solve. Um, and the flip side of our company not doing well is I've got more time on my hands. Um, so um to just because before there was such a sense of that urgency of time is um I had the reverse, like we were so busy, I didn't have any time to think or you know, just react, react, react. And now um there's this um ability to respond. Who knows how long we'll be in business? But you know, just this whole different mentality of like, what, you know, what can I all right, let I'm it's on, not again, but this idea of like immediate, like, oh my God, what did I do wrong? Or the um the idea of like, oh, am I gonna get blamed for this, etc.? Um, but I also think that when it comes to time, um, and especially starting to get sober is like the days were really long because if you don't pass out at seven o'clock, you know, there's extra time on both ends. Um, and so it was like the joys of like even meetings is like I needed something to help me sketch, you know, schedule my time because I don't like anything more than a great schedule. And the way I actually perform is I stereo, I set up these lists for these ideal days, and I'm like, I don't know who this person is because I've never done it. Because I it's just that weird thing of like um, you know, being on time. And so it's this weird thing of like, you know, um, like I think they say, you know, something about people who are late all the time. It's like, I'm like, oh, but that's unused time if I get there too early. Um, I've never been early in my life, but it's just this weird thing of like having both sides of it, it's like, you know, I love a good uh structured plan, but it can't be too structured. And this whole idea of, you know, creating these moving targets where um, again, if I just pause or have some of these like easy, easy there, you know, there's pause. Let's see, you know, is this urgent? Is this how can I work through this? Or as opposed to like something else I need to um, you know, endure, or that there's got to be this whole mental gymnastics when it's just like a basic situation that I've chosen to react to. So um, but again, um, I do like that that uh shame is the birthplace of perfection. So I now know where I was born. Um, but it's just great to be

Abundance Through Higher Power

SPEAKER_00 52:10

here. And um yeah, thanks for letting me share.

SPEAKER_02 52:16

You know, you brought up the lack mentality. That's a mentality, that's a way of seeing the world. There's not enough. And there's evidence that there's not enough because there's some people that are so wealthy, it's beyond comprehension. And there seems to be a lot of people living in the street. So the appearance is lack, but the opposite of lack is abundance. And if I'm going to address my lack, the way I do it is I shift my consciousness into the realm of God, which there is no lack. God's economy is always good, but I have to come to believe that, and I can only believe that by taking actions I don't think will work and getting results I don't think are available. And then I start building a belief system. But the appearance of things, like I saw someone was talking about Jeff Bezos being worth $260 billion, and the breakdown was this you could spend a hundred thousand dollars a day, and it would take 247 years to spend all that money. So it's like, uh, is that abundance or is that acquisition? Is that hoarding? What is that? I don't know, but I know this the better I get at aligning myself with what I call God, a higher consciousness, the more I'm convinced that I have what I need when I need it. I might not have a little bit extra, but I will always have what I need when I need it, and that's the history, my history. That's how you convince yourself of this stuff. And I have parts of my history where I was all lack-based and and I suffered. So I know that works too. So back to what Susan was saying is a choice. I have to choose an approach, I have to choose an attitude.

What Finally Feels Like Enough

SPEAKER_02 54:20

Who else?

SPEAKER_04 54:25

I'll go. Justin attic alcoholic. Hey, Justin. Oh boy, this is uh seems to be the great topic, Susan. Thank you. Because I sat here and I've been thinking, have I ever, ever been satisfied with anything? What has been enough? I don't think they're so I've sat here and well, here's part of the problem. I've realized I'll never be satisfied in man's world with materials. We'll never satisfy. It'll make me happy for a brief moment, just tiny, and then it crashes. And the other stupid thing that the beast does is I will run 100 yards, score a touchdown, and you go, nope, the end zone's another 100 yards away. It doesn't matter. I can never complete, I can never finish this, and I'll never, never end. But then I had this overriding thought as everyone's sharing. Great cheers by everyone, actually. Uh wonderful. Um, I have had there is one thing that gives me enough. And it just came to me, and it it's whenever my daughter calls me, and I and my daughter's name is Isabel, but my nickname for her is Pumpkin, and Pumpkin comes up on the phone, there's this feeling that is just like, oh, it's the greatest drug in the world, it's the greatest, whatever you want to call it. It's God, it's love. And I was just sitting here, and it brings it actually, thinking about her brings warmth and joy that I've always sought by another boat, another truck, another car, another this, that, and the other. Um, but my daughter is enough, I can say. Um, so, anyways, wonderful topic. And if Jeff Bezos wants to give me $100,000 a day, I'll spend it for him. I'll show him how to do it. I know how to do that. So, anyways, with that at pass.

SPEAKER_02 56:45

Thanks, Justin. Okay, we're out of time. Thanks for being here. And thanks for your contribution. Susan will be taking over the gathering now. All right, let's uh