#112 Celebrations

Celebrations are of many kinds,birthdays, anniversaries ect. Here another way to look at it. Celebration is the acceptance of life in a constantly increasing awareness of its preciousness; And life is precious not only because it can be seen, touched and tasted, but also because  it will all be gone one day. Life and Death are not opponents but do, in fact, kiss each other at every moment of our existence. There is a great group discussion here - enjoy!

Transcript

Welcome And Tonight’s Themes

SPEAKER_04 0:03

Hi, Roger. I'll call it October 11th, 1978. That's when I began. If you're listening online or on your device, you found the gathering. And we'd love to have you aboard. Enjoy. This is the 112th edition since we started doing the podcast. So everyone's welcome. Nonspecific to any recovery fellowship, but applicable to all as well as faith-based. So this is going to be uh, it feels like it's going to be a little scattered. We'll see what you do with it. But there's some things I'm going to hit on: joy, celebration, strengths, weaknesses, and gratitude. And I have no idea what order or how. Okay. So start with a couple of uh little definitions. One of them for celebrate is to honor, acknowledge, and find joy in what we value. That's the obvious ones, right? The birthdays, the recovery, the significant dates, the anniversaries, the recovery birthdays, how many days has been since you lied,

Joy Versus Celebration

SPEAKER_04 1:10

that kind of thing. And uh and that's usually celebratory in the sense, yeah, yeah, yeah, isn't this fun? Right? Joy is a little different. Um, here's a definition I think was interesting and reflective for me. An enduring, deep-rooted emotion of profound contentment, delight, and well-being that comes from within. So it's not like the birthday party joy from the outside. This is joy from the inside. And uh, can you hear the dog bark? Yeah. So here's a here's uh an idea. The unconscious needs to be respected and approached with prudence, and the unconscious appears to us in our daily living, in our reactions, because by definition, it's not conscious, but we got to be gentle with it and approach it with prudence. Then the statement is there's for every man and woman. Perfect expression. There's a place which he or she is to fill and no one else can fill. Something which he or she can do is to do and no one else can do. It's your destiny. So this addresses the question, the big question who am I and why am I here? This is about finding significance, finding purpose, finding meaning in our life. So here's one each of us has strengths and weaknesses and God-given talents that God expects us to use to help each other. But the gifts you have are the gifts that you're supposed to use to help your fellow man. Right? So, reflection, what are your strengths? What are your strengths? Everyone has strengths, and what are your weaknesses? So this reflection often brings a sense of gratitude, right? Not gratitude, the emotion. Gratitude, here comes someone. Not gratitude, the emotion, gratitude, the action. This is in our 12th step. Now that you've had this awakening, you're uniquely fitted for people of your like, your fellowship. But when you're not doing that, practice these principles in all your affairs. That's the rest of the world,

Purpose And Personal Destiny

SPEAKER_04 3:50

right? So if I have been given and I appreciate what I've been given, I should be giving it away. Whether it's experience or what doesn't work or what does work, whether it's hope for when you're in a dark place. Which leads to the next idea. Celebration is an this is a whole different way of thinking of this. Is the acceptance of life in a constantly increasing awareness of its preciousness. To do that, I have to be available to see the gifts around me. All the gifts. All the gifts, the wonderful light breeze, the sound of the leaves and the wind. The people in my life, the people that called to give me something, to ask me for something. The breath, the very breath I take, right? So this takes awareness, which takes being in the present tense, right? Life is precious, not only because it can be seen, touched, and tasted. That's our three-dimensional life, right? But also because one day it'll be gone. Everything is gonna leave. Everything is gonna go. Everything has a beginning, middle, and end. And that's why I want to acknowledge it and hold it in a precious light. So I'm appreciating. I can't appreciate if I'm not in the present tense. Now that I'm in the present tense, ah, everything is a gift, even the struggles, even the struggles. So that's the next idea here. We can indeed make our sorrows just as much as our joy, just as much as our joys. A part of the celebration in life and the deep reality that life and death are not opponents, but do in fact kiss each other at every moment of our existence. And one phone call, I want a diagnosis, I want an accident away from a completely different life. Right? Focuses you.

Strengths Weaknesses And Giving Back

SPEAKER_04 6:20

You know, I'm I'm 77, so I'm definitely in the last lap. Which doesn't bother me, but it's reflective. It makes you think about it, you know. So God is operating with you, in you, and even as you. The divine enemy being expressed is God in action. Right? Strengths, weaknesses. What I think is a strength might not be a strength, it might be a weakness, depending on your perspective. So when I was 20, I thought one of my strengths was that I was really determined, focused, and bullheaded. That turned out that it wasn't a strength, it was a closed-mindedness and stubbornness. Later on, I had to find that out. And so this thing about turning the joys into sorrows, sorrows into joys, is everything. When it's on me, the first thought always is, this isn't good, right? When something comes up and hits you in the side of the head and say, Oh, Jesus, now we got a problem. First thought wrong. No, now we have an opportunity. Because when I look back, and I think some of you too, when you reflect back, some of the things that I thought were the worst things that could have happened to me were the best things. But it took time for it to roll out. It took time for it. You know, our recovery is a perfect example of it. What you think your recovery is in the first year, in the first five years, is different than what you think in the second five years or the third or the fourth five years, right? It's always different because it's evolving. If it's not evolving, I'm not. And that's the thing we're in charge to do, is keep growing. Just keep going, even if it's just baby steps. But look at look at all our prayers. The prayers we use in the fellowship, third step prayer. God, I offer myself to thee. That's the offering. When we do that in the first time sequence through those steps, we don't really know what that means. We don't really know what that means, and we find out in four through seven. Now it's a little more serious, right? Seven step prayer, my creator, I'm not willing to have all of me. Good and bad. That's the handoff from what we learned in the first seven steps. Serenity prayer. If we could live that prayer, we wouldn't need any steps. Always starts with the acknowledgement of the power of God. Grant me the serenity, give me a gift of the still calm mind, and allow me to accept things I can't change. Because those things that are unacceptable aren't going to be here long. They're going to change. Right? I change the things I can. Courage to change the things I can. Courage to look at me, walk into my story and say, this doesn't work. We need another approach. We need another approach. Francis. Lord, make me an instrument of peace. So I can be a giver instead of a taker, which is your 11-step evaluation at the end of the day. Can I be a giver? Can I be a taker? Where did I give today?

Life Death And Precious Awareness

SPEAKER_04 9:41

What did I give today? Who did I give to today? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do I need to improve on? That's what that lemon step says. What do you need to improve on? Not what's the matter with you, you dummy? Why aren't you further along? Right? So I'm gonna give you a little prayer iPhone and I just love it. It's really a gentle, sweet prayer, and then we'll open up for discussion. And we can talk about whatever you want. Um and if there's something relative to the joy idea, the celebration idea, strengths and weaknesses are good. Gratitude. If I say I'm grateful, if I say I'm grateful for what I've been given here, I gotta be grateful for all of it. I gotta be grateful for the stuff I think is good stuff and the stuff I think is not good stuff. I don't like to use good and bad. But the things that are what the ego says is a bad thing, those are the things that are gonna grow us. Those are the challenges. Now use your tools. Learn how to use your tools more effectively. Find some new tools to use, put a wrinkle on it, you know, turn the page over. So here's this prayer.

The Still Small Voice Prayer

SPEAKER_04 11:00

Dear God, speak gently in my silence. When the loud noises of my surroundings and the loud inner voices keep pulling me away from you. Help me trust that you're still there, even when I'm unable to hear you. Give me ears to listen to your soft, small voice saying, Come to me. You are overburdened, and I'll give you rest, for I'm gentle and humble of heart. Let that loving voice be my guide. Let that loving voice be my guide. The still small voice. It can't be my guide unless I stop and pause and create the space to have the experience of the voice, to have the experience of the intuitive direction. I gotta be here for that to happen. So let's throw it up with your uh thoughts.

Group Shares On Letting Go

SPEAKER_12 12:02

Hi, I'm Kathy.

SPEAKER_06 12:03

Um grateful Al Anon member. We're seven and a half years. Um and I guess you know, I'm just gonna walk in your steps of what you did, because I'm just gonna kind of jump all, kind of kind of jumbled. But when you said joy, and this week I um and I've shared this with Phil, my husband, but it seemed like a small thing, but I was I had worked out, and afterwards I was walking around, I had this water bottle with me, and I didn't want to carry it. So I said, Well, set it down on this bench. But then this thought came in, well, what if someone takes it? But then this thought came in that was not my thought, and it said, What if someone takes this? And I was like, Well, no, no, no, what if someone takes this? And I stopped and I thought it through, and I thought, I'm gonna be fine. It's okay. I can set this water bottle down, and this joy started to bubble up, like suddenly a little thread had been cut, like there was more freedom, you know. I wasn't holding so tight to something. And I just I've really been sitting with it and practicing, like asking myself, what if, and following through. But it that that voice that came in, it was like this thought that just said, no, no, what if someone takes this water bottle? You know, and thinking about what other things my life am I carrying and holding on to like that. That if I really walk it through, it's not it's not important any longer. It's okay. I'll be just fine.

SPEAKER_04 13:45

It's a perfect example. It's easy to let go of the little thing, but it's the exact same mechanism when Phil's driving me nuts, right? I just gotta let it go. Let it be what it is. It got I don't have to react to everything, and maybe the water bottle is someone else's. So we'll see. If it's there when I come back, it must be mine.

unknown 14:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 14:08

But it was that joy that I was not anticipating. And I was thinking, wow. And then as far as one of my gifts, I think I'm really good at looking at someone and seeing if they're comfortable in my house and their environment. Is there something I can do to make them more comfortable? And so today I had a friend who was um recovering from knee surgery at the hospital. So I went, not because I really wanted to go, but when I was there, I used that gift. But I was also honest with myself saying, you know, I'm not doing this like because I have such a loving heart in about this whole situation. But when I was there, I was able to touch into this other gift that I do have. But it was, you know, if I just have to wage, I always have a grateful heart to do something, I might not always do it. But what is what am I what can I do here that can make this better? But um anyway, those are just some of my thoughts. And and and being incredibly grateful for my my daughter's alcohol and drug addiction and what it has done for her, us, the family. It's been amazing. And what didn't start out look like much like a gift has turned in to be one of our absolute most incredible gifts we have been given.

unknown 15:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 15:20

It's good to see everyone.

SPEAKER_04 15:26

I there's an English proverb that reminds me of what you're talking about. The hand that gives gathers. The hand that gives gathers. Giving's an act of love, right? And love that gets love. That's just that's simple. Who else? You know, part of this too, Kathy, is what those some of those readings are about is I need to have a purpose. I need to have a reason to get up. I have I need to understand who I be. And then I need to act out of that being, not what the world has programmed me to do, think or say, but out of that being that we're discovering as we go through this constant process of peeling back layers of things that are nonsense and get in the way.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

Well, um, alcoholic. Hey Tommy, this is uh yeah, this is um so big, so much, but uh what Kathy just said was just gave me goosebumps. Yeah, what if somebody pick up the water bottle? But I think you said a lot, and a couple things I wrote down suffering, and I've always heard that uh we have an opportunity to grow closer to God in suffering, and I really didn't buy that. You know, I I don't I didn't like, didn't want, really separated from the um from the suffering. And then strengths and weaknesses, I really thought like what what I used to say my strengths were really were kind of hiding out, they were just covering up the weaknesses, and they were really um bravado, whatever, success, but kind of building a a shell that would really keep me separate and apart from others. Um and so really they were kind of I would just they were using me, the strengths and the weaknesses, and I guess the real um joy is that sense of um that sense of presence. And I and I've said this a lot to people that that now in my sobriety I'm I'm present, and I realize we were talking about it this week. I'm talking about it with Ann with my wife, and she's like, I don't think people know what the hell I'm talking about when I'm saying I'm present. But again, what Kathy just said was presence. I get the sense of presence. I look forward to the to the gathering. Uh I look forward to it because we're all here on top of the the same thing we're here for the same reasons. And and maybe like what maybe my strengths or weaknesses, or what my act, or what I tried to keep separate and apart, and keep it all under control. And then when I get drunk, it was you know, finally when I the alcohol got out of control after 50 years of trying to control it, and then it was out of freaking control. Thank God it was out of control, or I still would have been doing the same thing, except maybe just a little bit more and managing it and the and so really I yeah, so um lots of things that are all tied together, but most of really the yeah, I I have a great sense of gratitude, and I'm very, very grateful and grateful for the gathering and for all of you. So that I'll pass.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

Thanks, um, I think about suffering. Suffering is about clinging. I'm clinging to an idea or a situation or circumstance that I think it should be different. The value of suffering is that the end of it is surrender. You just get brought to your knees again. And that is then the mind and the heart opens to learn something from it. I just can't drive this another inch. So for me, anyway, that's that's been the gift of suffering. And so I suffer a lot less because I've learned to look at what it's pointing at more quickly. Who else? That's good. Thanks, Tom.

SPEAKER_02 19:36

Hey everybody, I'll go Paul Alcoholic. Hey, Pauly. Hey, I really like what Tom said in regards to, you know, I did a lot of that same stuff, but I used, you know, my strengths, which I think were honed early on in my life, and that's just kind of out of survival. And to bob and weave and kind of keep myself safe and keep myself uh you know, in the good graces of others, I guess is the the best way to to frame that. Um, but you know, coming out of that and kind of I mean, watching that just kind of collapse all around me, um the older I got, it it I guess, and and coming here and meeting a bunch of new people and hearing a bunch of stories is um, you know, that's that elusive, the elusiveness that I thought was joy was, you know, it was just a complete misunderstanding of what where joy really comes from. And now it's just every day there's just small examples of joy all around. The latest being for me, you know, just spending a lot more time outdoors um in the warmer weather up here and just being outside and just in the elements. Um I'm kind of a fair weather person. So I'm but we've been on a bit of a roll lately. Uh, but it's you know, it's just gorgeous to get outside and and be in nature. Um, and that's just, you know, it's not as joy is not as hard to find as one would think, you know, provided you can I think the key, like everybody's saying, is just you know, develop that develop that kind of muscle memory of of becoming present. And then the rest just kind of falls into place, I think for me. So it's all good. That's all I got. It's good to see everybody tonight. Thanks, Paul.

SPEAKER_04 21:55

Which is uh kind of interesting. Anyway.

Naming Weaknesses Without Shame

SPEAKER_04 22:00

I want to go around the room. I want to take a minute, think of one weakness. It doesn't have to be catastrophic. Just one one of the things that's a weakness in you. Start with Tom.

SPEAKER_03 22:17

Attention to detail and and trying new thing, new technology. Trying new technology.

SPEAKER_04 22:34

Just pick one.

SPEAKER_06 22:36

Just pick one. That's one of my weaknesses. Figuring out which one's my weaknesses. Maybe discipline. Discipline.

SPEAKER_04 22:49

Procrastination.

SPEAKER_14 22:51

Okay. Personal judgment of others. There you go.

SPEAKER_04 22:59

Kirsten.

SPEAKER_12 23:10

You're muted.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

I'm sorry. Um I don't follow through. I begin a million things and I don't finish. It's not really procrastination, it's just lack of interest. Move on. I have really poor follow through.

SPEAKER_05 23:28

Overly sensitive. Your mother's judgment.

SPEAKER_12 23:36

No. I'll say worry.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

I'm going between analysis, paralysis, and a laziness of getting things done.

SPEAKER_07 24:13

I would say procrastination, but in my case, sometimes procrastinating is the best thing I can do. Asking for help is a complete bother. I I really don't like doing that, but I got to the point where I'm comfortable with it with what I do.

SPEAKER_04 24:37

So that's about it. Phil, one wink.

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Um not hiding gold.

SPEAKER_04 25:09

Um mine would be snap judgment. Yes, you may.

SPEAKER_00 25:23

Um I have a problem um acting on my priorities.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

Okay.

Naming Strengths And Gifts

SPEAKER_04 25:28

Let's go around now and do one strength, Tom.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

Um intuition. I have very strong intuition.

SPEAKER_12 25:46

You can listen really well.

SPEAKER_04 26:03

What? Oh my god. Unmute yourself.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Um I have a really big heart to a fault. Just going by what other people tell me.

SPEAKER_04 26:35

Andy Empathy Empathy.

SPEAKER_05 26:43

I work hard.

SPEAKER_12 26:46

Well, hospitality.

SPEAKER_10 27:36

Um greatest thing space.

SPEAKER_02 27:47

Dependability.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

Chris one strength. I don't know.

SPEAKER_12 28:04

Um for me.

SPEAKER_04 28:16

If I say I'm gonna do something be somewhere at some time, you can bet your life on it unless I'm in the hospital. So yeah, I I think compassion is another one of my strengths. I don't think all my spongees would agree. As it is. So back to the uh reflection. Anyone drawing celebration, strength, weakness, gratitude.

Crisis Perspective And Gratitude

SPEAKER_12 28:57

I'm Doug, I'm an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_14 29:01

A year ago, early, early last year. You know, what what brings us to mind are things you've said, Roger, but also I guess when I look at life, it is measured in inches and seconds. Uh, because that phone call may happen or whatever. My wife became ill. She had a gallbladder attack, had to take her to the hospital. Long story short, she was in bed for seven weeks. She had an infection that her surgeon failed to have a test, a blood test taken for. And it wasn't until I had brought her home and then taken her to our family doctor that they found out that she had sepsis and was pretty close to dying. And through that experience, uh the feelings and the thoughts run from A to Z. Uh, I was gonna sue the doctor, uh, which I think I had grounds for, but what's it gonna prove? What's it gonna prove, you know, that someone can make a mistake, or for whatever the reason, a test isn't done. Uh but I guess I got to the point, uh, which was similar to when I was faced with am I gonna quit drinking or not? Um what am I gonna do and how am I going to do it? And I guess I finally got to the did I pray all the time? Because I'm saying, God, where the hell are you? Uh I'd be needing you on my side and my wife's side. But I'm thinking about a lot of things that I learned in the program is how do I get through this uh in reasonable shape, physically, mentally, etc. And I guess it boils down to turning it over and over and over and over, and putting one foot in front of the other. A lot of what I did come from what I learned and practiced in AA. Uh I experienced all of the things that you were talking about. Towards the end, obviously, some joy. Uh when yes, the infection finally started turning around. It was so bad they put a tube in her, uh, you know, just to drain it away. Uh, but through this period of time, I I I guess there was a lot of things, and I'm going on here too long, but a lot of things that I learned and relearned. A ton of things about being grateful. Of uh being grateful, this is a woman who divorced me when I was drinking. Four years later, we remarried. She decided, oh, you're not so bad. You know, I was grateful for that, you know. But here's a person I've learned a lot of things from. Uh how she went through what she went through. You know, she continues to improve uh today, you know, a year and a half later, uh, which I'm grateful for. So all of the things, plus some others that I went through in trying to sober up, I experienced through this. Uh, is God powerful? Without a question. Am I a believer? Absolutely. I become much better at spirituality. Religion, not so much, but spirituality, yes. Uh I don't know that it's a process that I needed to learn, but I guess today as I look back on it, I am grateful of those things that I did learn. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 33:17

Thanks, Doug. I was thinking when Doug was talking about precious things like relationships, time, and a Joni Mitchell lyric went to my head. You don't want you don't know what you got until it's gone. And you can look back on parts of your life. I can look back on parts of my life. I had no idea what a gift I was receiving while I was receiving it. I had no idea until I couldn't do it anymore, or it was gone. So that sharpens you to try me to try and at least see, really see and feel what's going on around me and in me and through me on an ongoing basis. Because it just we're here and then we're gone. You know, it's not very long. Not very long. Not to be wasted. Silly goofing around. So who else?

SPEAKER_00 34:20

All right, um, I'm Allie. Hi, Allie. I'm so grateful to be here. Um, this meeting does bring me joy. Um I just um I think um one of the things I'm most grateful for in the program is starting to um recognize that um it's some of when I'm actually putting into play things um like pausing and or um you know praying or just walking through fear um or you know, allowing myself to have my first response be directly out of, or my first reaction to be directly out of fear, and then recognizing you know I can take a deep breath, and that how much um more solution focused um being sober or just being around like it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay because of my higher power or because um there are um, you know, I can tap into something that's not just fear-based. Um, I have to admit, um, I have been using chat GPT um for some of my training. Um, I'm uh trying to be interathlete at some point anyway. But what I really realized about it is, well, A, that I need to make some more friends because I'm like, this is uh some of it just like, no, no, this is what we talk to real people about. But part of it is it's funny of like, it's what it reminds me a little of talking to God, of like, because it's very you know, be like, oh, that's very thoughtful. And it's just this funny thing of like um that I get from my prayer and it's like I need that positive reinforcement of like that sounds like somebody who's trying, you know, trying to do the right thing and is human. It's just some of these reminders. I think it's because I work alone or work from home alone, I live alone, I do a lot of training alone. Um, I'm just used, I mean, I have a family, but um it's just this um balance of realizing um that I need to, you know, getting back into interacting with other people and recognizing that I've got a God with me because you know, I I don't know, once the older I get, the social interactions are just getting harder and harder. Um and you know, there is such joy in being with other people, but it takes a while to adapt to it. And um, I guess um what I've really found helps in the whole experience of being grateful is a, you know, every time I think about God, I'm really lucky that I've got you know I've got the opportunity to do these things, I've got choices because I'm so I've got these things, but it's also like that second part of like how can I share it with others and or you know, that whole, like I said before, about how can I, you know, add to this sea of life. Um, but I also know that um I'm just gonna come up on it'll be an interesting experience. I have to have this horrible gum surgery next week that's horrible, it's gonna be a big recovery. And I haven't had two weeks off of you know, uh eating solid foods um or you know, or extraining. And it's just gonna be weird to be like, okay, this is you know, this is my source of identity, and so much of my time is spent um training, and it's gonna be two weeks of quality me time. Um and so it's just this weird thing of like, you know, okay, I've got the faith that this is, you know, um, and I'm gonna have a lot of time to go to meetings. And it's just a funny thing of like curious to see, because you know, I'm losing my mind over it, but part of me is like, maybe I'm maybe this could be an opportunity to grow or just you know, again, and last single section going on, but just like to act on my priorities, you know, um doing some stuff for my financial planner, doing some things for my just you know, these are the now I'm gonna have that time that um I like to avoid. So um, but again that time I like to avoid. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

You know me. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

So, but um, yeah, so I'm really grateful to be here and thanks for letting me share.

SPEAKER_04 38:40

Thanks, Ellie. Who else?

unknown 38:43

Okay.

Everyday Practices For Freedom

SPEAKER_08 38:48

Hi, I'm Bill Alan, and uh Claudia. Hello, everybody. And uh Roger, anybody else was wondering that that uh radio back there on the chair is not old and something I haven't gotten rid of yet, as in my clutter clutterness. It's actually a retro pillow that my sister made gave to me, replicating my old boom box when I was in high school.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

Well, I'm glad it's not that old shirt I used to see there.

SPEAKER_08 39:15

Um, so I've heard it said that our greatest strengths are are also our greatest weaknesses, and I just popcorned up there. Uh hospitality is being a strength of mine, and and I do think too that it can be a weakness, and that kind of gets back to what Paul said about keeping everybody in good races is really more like a self-protection thing so that I feel safe and I know everybody's okay with me, that kind of thing. Um, and most of the time, honestly, I'm operating in an unconscious state where I don't know if I'm doing it out of good motive or or or a bad motive, or you know, um uh but but uh I did uh I did notice it every now and then I'll I'll by the grace of God there's an awakening. And this morning I was um at this uh business and I was uh all of a sudden two other guys uh walked in uh separately, individually at different times, and it was a situation where the the owner of the business was able to take all three of us on a little tour. And uh immediately I just went into this caretaking kind of thing, like, oh, none of us know each other. I've got to make sure we all get to know each other and become best friends before we're gone. You know, I mean, not literally how I was thinking, but but I felt responsible for everybody's like good tour. And I so I'm but there was an awakening, I was just like, hold it, and the gift um that I've gotten from this meeting and and from you is um, God bless them, God change me. And I and I had told you before that whenever I used to pray that I always thought God change me meant try harder. It it it it doesn't what it what it what it it means to me now is let go, you know. Um God bless them, God change me, let go. I'm not responsible, God's not asking me to you know caretake all these people here that I don't know. Um, so I mean that's been that was uh uh um just a interesting awakening I had this morning, but then I consciously tried to practice this on a bike ride. Yeah, okay. I said, okay, I get it this on these bike rides. I don't know if anyone else has this experience, but you're on a trail and do you say hello to the person that passes or don't you? Do you wave? Do you acknowledge or don't you? Um, so uh usually what happens is I'm I'm passing people and and I I wave and they don't wave, and pretty soon I got a resentment. So I'm trying I'm going down this bike path, and now this is supposed to give me some peace and rest and you know exhilaration. Now I'm just pissed off. And uh so today I just was like, or not today, it was a few weeks ago, but I was just like, I'm gonna practice this. I'm not gonna say hello to anyone, I'm gonna pray for each person that goes back by me. So I just stayed focused on my ride, enjoyed everything on the outside. And when I saw people coming, I I looked at them and I said, God bless them, and then just kept going forward. I didn't have to. I mean, obviously, if someone was raising for help, I would have stopped or something. But in this case, um, it just gave me so much freedom and so much contentment. And I believe my prayers were heard. I don't know what those people needed, um, but I know God knows. So I uh and then and I'm not gonna make that a rule of every time I go biking, I'm I'm gonna just you know, bike that way, but I but I uh it was just uh a really helpful um thing. I was grateful for that awakening, and then just also just to um you know also have some grace on myself because I know that um even when I'm doing things, even when I'm being hospitable and I'm not doing it for the right motives, maybe I am doing it for self-protection. God is still in the process of shaping me. And so to learn how to give myself grace when the night's over, I'm thinking, oh, what did I do? No, just you know what? God's working on me. It's it's gonna take some time, but um, but anyways, that's uh that's kind of the thoughts that came to me when you were talking. I just wanted to share that because that's been on my mind that that God God bless them, God change me things have been so integral in my life. Um, and then just one other thing, I don't know why I'm changing this, but the contentment that I have in uh the city of Plymouth, this is totally unrelated, offered these uh trees and bushes that were bare root. And I like saved hundreds of dollars on these trees, and I planted them in the past three weeks, and they're budding and they're blooming, and it's just so fun to see them every single uh week and how that how they change. And so that's where um I'm finding some contentment or uh celebration right now. It keeps me keeps me aware of of the gratitude. So with that, I'll pass. Thanks, Paul.

SPEAKER_04 43:52

Thank you. That's enjoying life. You know, when you say I won't be doing this prayer thing on every ride, but if you prepare How you feel on the prayer ride versus the what's wrong with you assholes ride? Yeah, you might want to consider just developing a different technique.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

I was literally just on the bike path and I wave at the runners and I was thinking, I'm gonna wave anyway, but then the ones who either look right past you or yeah, it's sorry to interrupt, but I was literally just thinking about that.

SPEAKER_04 44:21

Yeah. Well, as the same, it's anywhere. You go you're in the supermarket, you walk up by somebody saying, hi, how are you? And they don't answer. You know, it's okay, fine. Well, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 44:43

I'm Kirsten.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Hi, Kirsten.

SPEAKER_01 44:46

And hi everybody. Um I've just been thinking lately how hard I am on myself. I've got judgment, but it's usually self-based, you know. Like I didn't do this or I didn't get to that. I was walking by the peonies that have been blooming for two days, just massive numbers of peonies. I'm like, I've got to cut some of those and bring them in the house. Just gotta cut some and bring them in the house. Why haven't I cut any and brought them in the house? Well, I'm outside all the time. I'm almost never in the house. And I thought, well, that's just goofy. Walk up there and smell them and enjoy them. Take a picture. You know, just cut it out. But I make myself my own worst enemy. And so what I told a sponsee this day this week, who was having a really rough sequence of events, like one of those stormy times in life, just everything's not working out, and then this and this, and I can't get, you know, a surgery and all this stuff. I said, look, you've done everything that you can do in man's world. You've taken all the actions for the best outcome that you are able to do. The rest is up to God. Just let him handle it. He's got this no matter what happens. And the other thing that I told um, or that I've been reflecting on is the sunlight of the spirit is always with me. It always is. It it's it's accessible at any time. And so when I get down on myself or catch myself doing whatever, you know, beating myself up or judging others, certainly I do that too. And I'll, you know, when I find that I'm off the beam, I just remember the sunlight of the spirit is always with me, no matter what is going on in man's world that I'm disagreeing with or judging, or it's, you know, uh, you know, it's not right, I say to my to whatever. Um it's man's world, and I can get out of man's world just by conscious contact with creator for me. And I don't have to be outside to do that. I can just say, hey, dude, help me out. I gotta, you know, gotta find some peace here. And it's always the messaging is always like God loves me profoundly, and he doesn't love me anymore or any less than anyone else. And this is just earth school, you know, man's world. And you know, and this morning I got up and I just thought, God, I'm never gonna have this day back. I better do something good with it. And you know, I did my best. I got pulled over by a cop, I wasn't speeding or anything, but we have construction going on and it's local traffic only. So he's making sure we were all local, but you know, I was just like, oh god, you know, anyway, um it's just it was a day of of um it was really expensive day, and also just a day of like stumbling to get to the next thing, and it was all just fine. It was all just fine. I was just like, well, this is our school, and you know, God only wants for me my highest good, so I can do what I can do here, and the rest is up to him, and that brings me, I wouldn't say joy, but it keeps me present more and pretty peaceful. And those are my thoughts, and I'll pass.

SPEAKER_04 48:02

I have a thought. God is saying, don't kill the pennies, just enjoy them. You don't have to kill them, just enjoy them.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

That is excellent advice. Excellent. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 48:19

No, I just that's what you came to, just with different words. I why wouldn't I put them in the house? I'm never in the house. I'll just enjoy them where they are. Good idea.

SPEAKER_01 48:29

Yeah, leave it alone. Let go.

SPEAKER_04 48:33

Don't kill the peonies. It's a t-shirt. Who else?

SPEAKER_13 48:41

Andy, I'm an alcoholic.

SPEAKER_04 48:43

Andy.

SPEAKER_13 48:44

Andy. Uh this was great, Raj. I like how they used to make you give titles for these so that you'd you'd come in with a topic, but when you're when you roll in without one, it's always gonna deliver, like today. Uh, but I feel like it's you can do that. You can tell by the comments and the people sharing, like everybody's got a little something different. Um, but what hit for me is you talked about awareness. Awareness allows us to see the gifts around us. You know, and I had shared with you last Friday was at Victoria School was like a fancy dress-up day. They had these themes on Fridays at the end of the year, and I brought her to Starbucks in the morning before school with a dress on, her hair done, and looking at her thinking, uh this flash of like, gosh, the last eight years has gone by so fast. I'll blink and she's gonna be dressed up like going to prom. You know, I kind of said that to her, and I'll blink and it'll go by, right? And when I used to live so much in fear and resentment, it would be resentment was dig in the past and fear off in the future. And that was like the way to go. And it would be every once in a while I'd snap out of it, but but rarely. And what I realized, I didn't realize it until you shared that tonight, that that moment of me thinking that of I'm gonna blink, that's me off ahead in the future and thinking afraid or or uh from coming from a position of lack. And instead of that and having me dwell on that, that snapped me back into I'm so grateful for every day that I have. And while the years have gone by fast, the days don't, because the day is present and connected, and like that, just that thinking that what what feels like a weakness or a defect or that fear actually works for me to bring me back to what is, what's right here, what's right now. That's where I can connect with other people, I can connect with God. Um it's nice when sometimes when those weaknesses or those shortcomings actually are the calling, you know, from God to come back to the present, you know.

SPEAKER_04 50:47

Yeah. Well, that's it's you know, and there was a time when I'd go into the future and I'd just keep going and go down the rabbit hole. But now, today, you have the realization I'm in the future. No, and snaps me back to enjoy the blessing that's in front of you. That's perfect. That's using a weakness or a defect for a positive end.

SPEAKER_12 51:12

The old time traveler. You're there.

Old Patterns And Repairing Conflict

SPEAKER_10 52:00

All right. I'm Phil, um, member of Alanon, uh. And uh yeah, I I was um the thought that keeps coming back to me is that um old patterns, old patterns that are developed over a lifetime, for instance, between Kath and I, um, how we you know, the dances that we do about topics or what have you, and um, you know, some are off limits, or you know, how far, how not to say, what to say, all that stuff. And the automatic reactions that happened from those. Um, and um had a situation and a couple days ago, and um I said something that um I could see had uh she had Catha taken offense to. So I take offense to her taking offense, and now we're at um, yeah, that's that's right. And and it all just happened like that. And it was like there wasn't even a thought process involved. It was I was just there um at this spot where I just wanted to withdraw, and that's what I did. And and um and so it was when we got back together on this to talk about it, it was um talking from a point of of wanting to understand what happened and um how we got there, but it was recognizing that this was a um old old pattern, and it was um that it was um uh and that how how do we um how do we learn from that or how do I move forward from that? And um, but the whole thing was is that by giving even just giving it a voice, it was um, it really helped a lot with that, with with relieving, you know, the the pressure or you know what uh what the struggle was. And um so it wasn't just um you know trying to come up with the right thing to say to placate the situation so that this goes away, but the issue doesn't go away, it just goes underground again. Um actually addressing the issue. And um, and there was uh actually uh a lot of joy that um you know expansiveness that came from that uh from that discussion. And um yeah, that's that's what I was that's what I wanted to share.

SPEAKER_04 54:59

The truth and love are expensive. But what you're talking about too, Phil, the automatic responses, they're built in decades, decades. And you do something that activates me, I do something that activates you, and we just start doing this thing. And you've got to be able to put the brakes on and go, wait, this isn't who I want to be. Let's talk about it, right? And that's that's recovery. You know, that's that's love, that's partnership, that's communication. That's good. That's really good.

Closing Thanks And Serenity Prayer

SPEAKER_04 55:36

All right, well, uh I want to thank you for showing up tonight because my tank was pretty empty, and I was really enjoying listening to you guys, and I hope it was useful for you too. So if you want, we can unmute ourselves and we'll close with a prayer.

SPEAKER_06 55:59

That's the second time in three days I've heard we went to go hear this this man in recovery who's a singer, but he said at the end of it, he said, I was really empty and the voices were really loud. And by being here and the love that was flowing within you know, this place, I feel so much better. Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 56:20

Well, everyone brought a little piece of themselves to the party. You know, and to do that, to your point, create a safe space. That's what we've done here. That's what we do on Monday night at a meeting, that's what I do with my sponsees, that's what I do in my retreats. Create a safe space. And then people can open up. And you did a great job. I appreciate it a lot. So, um, serenity prayer, is that okay?

unknown 56:48

Wonderful.

SPEAKER_04 56:49

God?

SPEAKER_05 56:50

God, me the serenity serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

SPEAKER_01 57:08

Goodbye.

SPEAKER_05 57:09

Thank you. Thank you guys. Thank you. Thank you, Roger.

SPEAKER_01 57:12

Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_05 57:14

Thanks, Raj.

SPEAKER_01 57:15

Thank you, Roger.